Sometimes I feel as though I’m being kept around just for the chaos factor. Chaos loves me. It’s easy for me to cause mayhem (Intentionally or not) and maybe that’s all I am to some people- a part of the recipe that equals fun slowly crossing the border to danger.

Ridiculously close, mingling airs.

a

It is human, she grits,

To want and to want and

a

to aaaaaaa want.

a

Can’t tell her that I don’t

understand her,

because then it is just too late

to talk.

I love Chris Lindores!

I don’t have any excuse for not writing as much as I need/like to.

I’ll text you.

You’ll text me?

I’ll text you.

a

I know as soon as the line cuts that there won’t be any texting, no email,

no instant messaging.

A connection with someone after a while. While as in months, maybe years, you may as well be dead because it’s not like we talk,

I kind of have new people anyway,

while.

a

And, besides, Zimmerman knew when he said that the times they are a changin’,

because they have, and you have, and both of us have,

and now you’re suddenly, abruptly,

strange.

20 Cigarettes by Mike Gerbino. So good!

When someone I care about is crying I can never say anything, so I jut hold their hand or kiss them. I always wondered why physical contact between people was such a comforting thing: as if when we’re born we know that being held could fix everything, for a moment.

I snap between two extremes:

Happy

and

incapable of rational thought

One of my teachers mentioned that it would be wonderful if we were like native plants so that we could regenerate after we burned, and we’d be better than before. I imagined sprouting strong scar free hands after accidents that I would gesture wildly with, even more than I do.

In another state, in the morning,

freezing in the car.

a

The sun crept over the frozen grass horizon line

as a blues song swelled in my ears and

everything

was calm

and golden;

a

for a moment.

Once someone was bending  my wrist back so that it like it would break. I panicked and said “You’re hurting me, stop!” etc. Eventually he stopped and a few hours later I thought about it and realized I literally felt ashamed for being in pain, when someone was hurting me.